And now for a special message from everyone’s favorite on-campus humor mag:
Hi Middlebury, it’s us, The Crampus.
You may have forgotten that we existed. That’s understandable because we’ve only published twice in the last two years and we are terrible at social media. Well one of those things is about to change (and if you’ve seen the disaster that is our twitter feed, you’ll know it’s not the social media one). We’re hitting you with a new issue that’s going to surprise you like a Beyoncé album. (Nota Bene: included in this issue is one (1) poem about Beyonce, eat up).
So take a moment this afternoon and grab a copy from Proctor or Ross. And since we at The Crampus are all avid Henry Kissinger fans, we’ve decided to embrace the spirit of détente and liberalize things a little in our notoriously draconian operation. tl;dr we’re now accepting submissions from the general public for our second fall issue (and beyond!) If you have a funny headline, article, comic, graphic or anything else that you’d like to share with us, head on over to go/CrampusSubmit and we’ll all have a good time!
If you’d like to be a regular writer and come to meetings like an adult who has to go to meetings, send an email to [email protected]
We appreciate any comments, critical or kind to the same email address!
Happy Laughing, The Crampus
p.s. you might be wondering why our halloween issue is out a full week after halloween. The answer is that we are a service to this community, and the way we thought it could best be served is by extending halloween for a full additional weekend! You’re welcome!
We can all agree that Proctor dinner can be a stressful experience. Even if you can whip up a homemade salad dressing in seconds or assemble an award-winning panini in a flash, you’re likely victim to the occasional awkward moment or food fumble. We understand your troubles, hence our decision to articulate the thoughts plaguing our minds as we get our essential, albeit sometimes bland, nutrients. For solidarity, humor, or self-pity, here’s 52 thoughts we’ve all had when eating Proctor dinner:
1. Oh god why is the line so long… Go to Ross people!
2. But seriously, where the F are the proctor bowls
3. This is not okay. I need my split pea soup
4. Mmmm is that chicken parm?
5. I worked out.. I definitely need two pieces…or three…
6. Do I look like a fatty with a plate full of chicken parm?
7. Ahh yes.. I’ll balance it out with a salad
8. I love salad!
10. Does anyone eat the weird dishes at the end of the salad bar?
11. Maybe I’ll try this raw fish rice… hmmmm
12. I’m SO glad we have a whole tub of ham. I’m hate when salad bars forget that essential ingredient.
middbeat is having a meeting tonight at 9 in AtwaterAAK. If you’re interested in writing for middbeat, helping with our web-design, suggesting posts, or just sharing your thoughts about the blog, you’re welcome to join us. There’s a 50/50 chance there’ll be snacks, and the meeting shouldn’t last much more than 45 minutes. Hope to see you there.
Do you have a secret hidden talent that you have been waiting to show the world? Come audition for a spot on the International Student Organization (ISO) Cultural Show! Auditions will be held on Saturday Oct. 4th from 2pm to 5pm in Wilson Hall (McCullough Social Space), and are open to all students, international or not. We require just ONE MINUTE of material, it doesn’t need to be the full thing, nor full ensemble. Show us what you got!
Date: Saturday, October 4 Time: 2pm-5pm Place: Wilson Hall (McCullough Social Space)
The first Thursday of the month is fast approaching, and you know what that means: Verbal Onslaught! Middlebury’s largest recurring open mic event is back with our first Verbal of the academic year. Come with poems, songs, raps, dances, or any other kind of performance or just come ready to enjoy the words and voices of your Middlebury classmates! The theme is first impressions, of people, of places, of foods, of anything. No need to fret if your piece does not relate, it’s simply a suggested topic to get the artistic juices flowing. Invite your friends!
Date: Thursday, October 2 Time: 9:00pm-11:00pm Place: The Gamut Room
If you love Latin dance, culture, or music, we’ve got some good news: This Saturday, September 28, Crossroads Cafe is featuring Burlington’s DJ Jah Red who will be heating up the dance floor for a night of Salsa, Bachata, Merengue, Cumbia, and Reggaeton! Come enjoy a fun night with your friends and eat some delicious, free (that’s right, FREE) snacks.
Do you love to run but get tired of running the same trails alone? Want to meet more recreational Midd runners, and explore new trails? This year Middlebury’s first running group is tearing up the TAM! The group meets Tuesdays and Thursdays on the track at 4:30 pm. Tuesdays are long runs and Thursdays are a variety of track workouts. Check it out no matter what your fitness level is! The mission of the club is to connect runners around Middlebury and give runners the opportunity to switch up their routines with some fun workouts! If you are interested in joining you can email [email protected] or come out on Tuesday or Thursday!
This week’s beat of the week comes from a relatively obscure artist, Jaymes Young. While he is fresh on the scene, his voice is infectiously honest and heart-rending. Enjoy “Habits of My Heart” (with a Sufjan Stevens influence) on this beautiful, sunny Friday and if you’re really taken with him, check out his inaugural EP, Dark Star, which he released in September. Thanks toSayre White ’15 for the inspiration on this one!
This week’s beat of the week is inspired by the fact that CHERUB absolutely killed it on Tuesday night at Higher Ground. For those who didn’t make it out or who aren’t familiar with this duo, they’re sex-pop electronica mixed with 80s inspired funk. Their irreverent lyricism and catchy beats appeal to all, so enjoy this tune (a personal favorite) to get you amped for the first weekend back from break! For those genuine Cherub fans, look forward to the release of their new album next month – they previewed a few of their new songs at the concert and they sound phenom.com.
Happy spring break to all! I hope everyone is heading somewhere comforting, be it some place warm, home, or a permanent spot in your bed on campus. This week’s beat of the week comes a day early, and as it’s Thursday we might as well throw it back a few years. The year 2001 brought us some great candidates but since Fat Joe has been stuck in my head this week I bring to you his classic “What’s Luv?” featuring Ashanti. For those who don’t know, this song launched Ashanti into fame – and for good reason. The song is reminiscent of Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got to Do with It”, so in a way it’s a throwback within a throwback… anyway, enjoy!