Category Archives: Dating/Love

Lecture TODAY: No Brokeback for Black Men

Screen shot 2015-04-17 at 8.56.31 AMToday, Assistant Professor of Sociology Chong-suk Han will be giving a lecture entitled “No Brokeback for Black Men: Pathologizing Black Homosexuality through Down Low Discourse.” In this lecture, Professor Han will discuss the down low phenomenon, for which little has been written aside for its implication in the spread of HIV. More on the lecture from Professor Han here:

In recent years, the down low phenomenon has received unprecedented attention in both the popular and academic press. However, much of this work has focused on exploring whether men on the down low present a unique threat for HIV infection to black women. Currently, there exist very few scholarly popular works exploring the meaning attached to the down low, not only by those who promote the label for academic studies or for media dispersal. In this talk, I shed new light on the meanings attached to the down low by the popular press, critically evaluating how it is used to create a category that is marked by an undesirable categorization of black men, and provide and argument as to why black men who have sex with men may adopt the label for themselves.

Date: Today, April 17th
Time: 12:15
Place: RAJ conference room
Cost: Free and free lunch woo!

 

Middbeat Crush of the Week: Sam Boxer, ’18

Screen Shot 2015-03-31 at 2.14.30 PMAre you struggling to shake off the Spring Break sleepiness and bumming about spring weather not being here quite yet? Just in time, middbeat is bringing you the next Crush of the Week for you to feast your eyes on. Re-channel those spring break blues into dreaming about this cutie, freshman Sam Boxer.

middbeat: What’s your name?
SB: Sam Boxer

middbeat: Where are you from?
SB: Wallingford, Pennsylvania

middbeat: What’s your major?
SB: PoliSci and Arabic

middbeat: What is your current relationship status?
SB: Single and ready to mingle

middbeat: Are you a tea or coffee guy?
SB: Tea

middbeat: Are we talking caffeinated, or straight herbal?
SB: Nah, some Earl Grey, straight herbal.

middbeat: What is the coolest make-out spot on campus?
SB: Standing facing away from the Grille, in the Grille, holding the person like you’re on the Titanic, and then it slowly folds into a make-out. Kind of a Leo DiCaprio Kate Winslet type of thing if you’re into that.

middbeat: Wow, very well thought-through. Okay, what’s the most embarrassing moment that you can recall?
SB: One time I took off my sock, and it was a red sock, and there was red lint stuck in my feet and I started crying because I thought I was bleeding. I was 14.

middbeat: Wow, that’s really traumatizing, I’m so sorry. Okay, moving on, what’s your favorite holiday?
SB: Hannukah. Duh.

middbeat: Who is the celebrity you would drop everything for, including the previous love of your life?
SB: Chance the Rapper.

middbeat: Wow, no hesitation there. Okay now I’m going to ask you a few questions. Say you found your true love, but then discovered these attributes about them after the fact…would they make or break your relationship?
middbeat: She has to wear rollerblades 24/7?
SB: uh, make it, duh.
middbeat: What if she had a baby arm?
SB: Like a T-Rex arm? One? Break it. Two, totally make it.
middbeat: What if she chewed with her mouth open?
SB: Oh, totally break it.
middbeat: What if she always talked with her mouth closed?
SB: Break it.

middbeat: Okay. Ideal date to take a girl on at Midd?
SB: Hmm. I’d buy out Atwater dinner for one night and then go to the new froyo store.

middbeat: How would you feel about a girl asking you out? Turn on? A little weird?
SB: That would be fine.
middbeat: Not a turn on?
SB: No, but fine.

middbeat: Best food in Middlebury?
SB: Taste of India. That’s the only place I’ve been.

middbeat: What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?
SB: Baby Hawk being born to its mother during sunrise on Snake Mountain and then flying off into the distance.

middbeat: Woah! Really?
SB: No.

middbeat: Okay, yeah, I guess baby hawks don’t fly right away anyway, so…

middbeat: Okay, moving on. What was your mom’s nickname for you growing up?
SB: Sammy Foo-Foo

middbeat: If you could change your name to any name in the whole wide world, what would it be?
SB: Felix

middbeat: Wow, quick answer. Have you thought about that before?
SB: Yeah. I’ve wanted to change my name for a while now.

middbeat: Word. Okay, in parting, what is one message you would like to spread to the romantic community at Middlebury College about Sam Boxer?
SB: By the time the fool has played the game, all the players have dispersed.

 

middbeat Crush of the Week: Andrew Pester, ’17

Meet sophomore stunna Andrew Pester, whom middbeat interrupted during a serious chemistry study session in Atwater dining hall because he was just too crushable to pass up. Get to know our new favorite Kansasian!

name: Andrew
grade: sophomore
major: Environmental Studies with a focus in Dance
hometown: Lawrence, Kansas

IMG_4208

 

middbeat: What’s your favorite thing to do in Lawrence, Kansas?
Andrew Pester: My favorite thing to do in Lawrence, Kansas is go to an abandoned house on a lake with my friends and have a picnic.

mb: Do you have any random talents?
AP: I can do a backflip. And I’m really flexible. My feet can touch my head, going backwards. Like if I brought my feet over my head. Yeah. My back is very flexible.

mb: Wow. What’s your favorite holiday?
AP: My favorite holiday is Fourth of July. Not because I’m patriotic. But because it’s when my family gets together, and we make homemade ice cream. It’s a time when my whole family gets together, and I get to spend a lot of great quality time with my grandparents. And it’s all about food.

mb: What kind of music do you like?
AP: So…my favorite album probably of all time was alt-J’s first album. But when I listen to music I usually pick songs that remind me of people I know, so it can be kind of all over the place, because I know people from, I guess you could say…different music genres. So when I listen to music, I really listen to people who I assign those songs to.

mb: Hmm. If someone were to listen to music that would be reflective of you what would it be?AP: [pause]. Right now it would probably be a mix between Bon Iver and Ra Ra Riot.

mb: Woah, they should totally get together. Interesting current mood you’ve got.
AP: Yeah…I’m pretty stressed. But that’s not really unique. But I’m also hopeful because I’m going to Panama City for spring break and that’s exciting.

mb: What’s up in Panama City?
AP: I’m going to teach kids dance. Through the Middlebury Dance Department, with seven other students and Scotty Hardwig, one of the dance professors.

mb: Right on. So if you could have any animal appendage, what would it be?
AP: Wings. For sure.

mb: What do you look for most in a significant other?
AP: Opportunities for growth, I think.

mb: Personal or mutual?
AP: Personal. Opportunities for me to grow with that person.

mb: What’s your current relationship status?
AP: I’m taken. Yeah.

Thursday Thought: A Romantic Paradigm That’s Freaking Me Out

WWS-SexAttract

I’ve spent over 90 hours interviewing Midd students about their romantic and sexual experiences this semester, and I’ve come across a paradigm, a theory, a “rule,” you could say about male-female romantexual (romantic/sexual) relations. It’s controversial, and I kind of hate it, but I want to hear what you all think, so why not middbeat thought of the week it?

Guys grow on girls, but girls don’t grow on guys.

Nah, let’s modify — that’s a bit nauseating:

(Frequently), guys (who make an effort, show genuine interest, and are genuinely interested) can grow on girls (even if they weren’t initially physically or emotionally interested in them), but (more often than not) girls (who make an effort, show genuine interest, and are genuinely interested) don’t grow on guys (though it’s certainly (I hope, though I haven’t heard of it) happened that a guy who’s pursued by a girl and doesn’t initially find them attractive grows attraction for said girl, and develops a romantic, not just a sexual, relation with them).

~Sigh~. That’s a mess and I’m not sure it’s any better. Really, what it boils down to is:

Frequently, guys grow on girls, but except in extremely rare circumstances I’ve yet to hear of, girls don’t grow on guys.

To the girls throwin’ middle fingers in the air: I feel you. And, importantly, this isn’t a law, it’s a proposition posed by a 21-year-old white, economically privileged, heterosexual female who hasn’t had nearly enough experience to tell you what’s undoubtedly true or false. That being said, almost everyone I’ve talked to has (whether hesitantly or not) admitted, “Shit, that’s actually really true.”

Anyone who’s done an interview has been slapped over the head with this fact: It’s all about first impressions. Recently, I read an article on interviewing that explained a judgment is made in the first ten seconds, and the entire rest of the interview is basically negligible, as it’s just an effort to confirm the positive or negative impression made in the first ten seconds. While I hadn’t considered the relation between romantic pursuits and job interviews until yesterday (thank you, obsessive senior spring job pursuit), I think they mirror each other all too well.

If in interviews humans so instantaneously (and subjectively) decide whether they’re attracted to a candidate or not, why shouldn’t this instinct hold steadfast in the romantic realm? I think it does, both for guys and for girls; but for girls, it’s a pencil mark that can fade fairly easily, while for guys, it’s Sharpie status. Or so it seems. Consider Circumstance 1, which I’ve heard time and again:

Girl, let’s call her Jen, has a huge distance crush on boy, let’s call him Andrew. Jen and Andrew are both objectively attractive people, but neither is “model-status,” whatever that means. Jen and Andrew sit next to each other in class, joke around, exchange glances, and even chat it up at a party on Saturday night. Jen feels chemistry, she’s a smart, independent woman, so she decides, “Fuck it,” and asks him to grab coffee. It goes great. “We got along so well, we felt so compatible, we chatted for hours and laughed a ton and had so much in common. We had such a good time, and he seemed so into it. Plus, he’s so cute.” Jen and Andrew start hanging out more, grabbing a few meals and kiss once or twice. Jen’s excited: How often do you feel actually compatible with a distance crush?” But then it just stopped. He said he thought I was awesome, smart, funny but it just wasn’t there for him, and that was that. It just made no sense.” Andrew’s side of the story: “I do think she’s an awesome girl, so funny, so friendly, so smart. She told me she was really attracted to me and felt a real connection, and I’m flattered. Honestly. But she pursued me, I wasn’t initially sexually attracted to her, and though we had a great time, it just wasn’t there from the start.” What wasn’t there? The first 10-second sexual attraction. Did it matter? Hell yeah.

And now, Circumstance 2:

Boy, let’s call him Ryan, has a huge distance crush on girl, let’s call her Kate. Ryan and Kate are both objectively attractive people, but neither is “model-status,” whatever that means. Ryan and Kate sit next to each other in class, joke around, exchange glances, and even chat it up at a party on Saturday night. Ryan feels chemistry, he’s a smart, independent man, so he decides, “Fuck it,” and asks Kate to grab coffee. It goes great. “We got along so well, we felt so compatible, we chatted for hours and laughed a ton and had so much in common. We had such a good time, and she seemed so into it. Plus, she’s so cute.” Ryan and Kate start hanging out more, grabbing a few meals and kiss once or twice. Ryan’s excited: How often do you feel actually compatible with a distance crush?” Kate’s on the fence. “I mean I wouldn’t have picked him out of the crowd, he’s not my type. He’s not ugly or anything, instinctually, I’m just not super attracted to him.” Ryan senses a tension, and meets up with Kate. “Look, I think your really beautiful, interesting, and smart, and I just want to get to know you.” Almost no one’s ever said this to Kate. Heart flutters. “And we have such a good time together.” Kate agrees, they do have a good time together. They continue “dating” for a few weeks, and fast forward: “It’s true, I wasn’t super attracted at first. But he was so nice. He really cared about me, and more than anything he was interested in me. He thinks I’m beautiful. I don’t know how it happened, but something changed, and I’m really happy it did. We’re really happy.” What wasn’t there? The first 10-second sexual attraction. Did it matter? Nope.

Of course, Circumstances 1 and 2 are oversimplifications. There’s a million criticisms that could be made (sociologically, gender roles, cultural norms, you name it). But I’d be so bold as to say, none of that matters. It’s just kind of, really true. If you’re a guy, put yourself in Andrew’s shoes, then in Ryan’s. If you’re a girl, put yourself in Jen’s shoes, then in Kate’s. Tell me you can’t relate, you can’t understand, you wouldn’t do the same thing.

Human’s are animals, and biologically, female animals seek protection, care, a male who desires to be with only them while they birth and care for an offspring. Biologically, male animals seek not protection, care, and commitment, but to have sex with as many females as possible, to spread the seed. Humans have evolved, and we’d like to think this dichotomy has blurred quite a bit. In many ways, it has. But when it comes to that instinctual sexual attraction, it seems we’re back to basics: For a girl, if protection, care, and commitment are there, sexual attraction can develop, and it frequently does, because what’s attractive is the romance, the love, not the body in and of itself. For a guy, if protection, care, and commitment are there, and the sexual attraction is not, I’m afraid it’s most likely never going to be. So, given the sex drive, which is perhaps more fervent in men than women, ultimately, the body in and of itself, is the deciding factor.

Hear me out: I don’t like this potential reality, I don’t believe it’s always true, and I don’t want it to be true at all. But if we’re being honest, I think it just might be.

So, what does it mean for us? You tell me. Here’s my two cents: To the ladies: if you’re into him, remember you’re fucking awesome and test the waters. But protect your heart. While initially I was gung-ho on the “bold girl,” I’m realizing it’s not that simple. Bold is good. Confidence is good. But sometimes, if he think’s “it ain’t there,” it’s likely not going to be, so move on up. To the dudes: if you’re into her, remember you’re fucking awesome and test the waters. If you think she’s beautiful, intelligent, smart, tell her. Tell her why, and be honest. Spend time with her, and give her space to think. It’s not a sealed deal, but remember it’s the honesty, the feelings, that’ll seal the deal, not the sex (most likely).

I’m still confused, unsettled, and unsatisfied. Upon first read, my instinct to this reflection would be “That’s bullshit, and jam packed of untrue generalizations.” But when I’m honest with myself, and more importantly, when my interview participants (especially guys) have been honest with themselves, that defense fades and a troubling truthfulness sets in. If romantic/sexual pursuits are an interview, to extend the metaphor, I really hope the questions, beyond the “how are you?” upon walking in the door or initiating the Skype sesh, actually do matter.

Nonetheless, remember, this Thursday Thought is just a thought. It’s not a claim. It’s an open platform, so share what you think.

*This thought focuses exclusively on heterosexual relations solely because I do not feel I have heard about enough homosexual relations to make significantly supported claims.
** Contribute your two cents on romantic/sexual culture by taking this (anonymous) survey GO/ROMANCE

Special Sunday Horn Treat: LAUGHTER

Time to take a break from pleasuring yourself with unadulterated horn and frustrating work–sorry, liberal education leisure. I see you Campus article–to get some much deserved smile time. Check out Triple Chin Comedy’s newest sketch. Meta-as-fuck. Is the whole world a stage?

 

 

Keep your eyes peeled and your vaseline ready for some more horn next week, you Horn Addickts, you.

Peace, love, and self-loving,

H0rnHub

middbeat Crush of the Week: Clair Beltran ’16

Clair

middbeat‘s crush of the week this week is Clair Beltran ’16, a Junior architecture major from Washington Heights NYC.  Clair and I have a couple mutual friends and a class together, but couldn’t quite say we knew each other until we sat down last night.  Upon telling one of our friends that Clair was going to be crush of the week, she responded “Of course she is!” and I knew I made a good choice.  Clair and I talked about our mutual love for Beyonce, The Land Before Time, and middle school crushes, and I’m psyched to have gotten the chance to sit down with her.  Keep an eye out for her around campus, and watch the sparks fly.

middbeat: How’d you celebrate your birthday this year?
Clair Beltran ’16Had a dinner with a couple of friends, and then had a party at Solar D.  It was also my friend Claudia Esteva’s ’15 birthday over at Porter House, so we met up with them and had a party going back and forth.

middbeat: Favorite Proctor meal?
Clair Beltran ’16: I feel like maybe I wanna go with the classic tortellini and chicken parm, but I also really like it when they have the goat cheese out and you can just do your own thing.  I love those wraps too.

middbeat: Spring break plans
Clair Beltran ’16: Goin’ back to New York to hang out at home.  Looking for a car pool so hmu if you’ve got space in your car.

middbeat: Pancakes or waffles?
Clair Beltran ’16: Waffles.  Unless it’s chocolate chip pancakes.  A nice crisp waffle with some maple syrup, some granola, maybe some chocolate chip action.

middbeat: Favorite jam of 2014?

Continue reading

DJ ERIC HASS x ALTER BOY @ THE MARQUIS

10986903_10204424827915621_866842257968536933_nTonight two of Middlebury’s best lookin’ DJs, WRMC tech director emeritus Eric Hass ‘15 and tech director Adam “In the Clurb Like” Kelley ‘16 will be spinning their best at the Marquis Theater starting at 10:00pm.  

-first up-
ALTER BOY
jersey/bmore/nu-disco/club
“Let’s freaking party!”

-& then-
ERIC HASS
acid/deep/house/grime
“Helllll yea!!”

The event is sponsored by Harpoon Brewery and word in the booth room is that there are gonna be ~hot~ deals on dranks for those over 21 and some sweet giveaways as well.
Check out the facebook event here

What: DJ ERIC HASS x ALTER BOY
When:
TONIGHT • Thursday March 5 • 10 PM – 1 AM

Where: The Marquis Theater (in town)

Take Survey on Romance and Sex Culture at Midd Now!!! Go/Romance

5-Romantic-Movies-Love-Actually

GO/ROMANCE

As mentioned in a middbeat post a few weeks back, I (Leah Fessler ’15) am writing my senior thesis in the English creative writing department on the present status of romantic and sexual culture at Middlebury. The thesis will take the form of a long form journalistic article on romantic culture at Middlebury and the effect of technology on communication in romantic relationships, and its success depends heavily on input from all of you, the students. The article will be completely non-fiction, meaning it’s real stuff, meaning I need to hear from many Midd students to compile significant reflections on the topic.

In addition to interviewing many Midd students in-person, I have compiled a fairly short online survey on romantic and sexual culture at Middlebury, in hopes of reaching a broader student sample and receiving invaluable numerical data. This survey can be completely anonymous, and will take no more than 7 minutes! If you are affiliated with Middlebury, I would sincerely appreciate you take the time to help me out by taking it! Feel free to re-post and share with friends!

TO TAKE THE SURVEY, GO TO GO/ROMANCE, OR CLICK HERE

TODAY- Last Day of : Improv Try-Out Week

Improv Plotter Poster

Both of the college’s improv comedy groups, The Otter Nonsense Players and The Middlebrow Society for Improvisational Theatre, will be holding try-outs this week in hopes of finding Middlebury’s future leaders of sarcastic party conversations.

Otters tryouts will be held TODAY (Tuesday) at 4:30PM and Thursday (2/26) at 5:30PM in the Forest East Lounge.

Middlebrow will be Wednesday (2/25) and Thursday (2/26) at 4:30PM in the Coltrane Lounge (in the Adirondack House, entrance is near Pearsons).

It is important to note that you need only go to one day for either group.  So you could do Otters Tuesday and Brow Thursday, par examplé.

Experience is never expected. Most of the current members had never done improv before either, and had to try-out a few times. No matter if its your first semester, last semester, or that sweet spot in the middle, both groups would love to have you come and play!

Email [email protected] or [email protected] with any questions.

TODAY- Last Day of : Improv Try-Out Week

Improv Plotter Poster

 

Both of the college’s improv comedy groups, The Otter Nonsense Players and The Middlebrow Society for Improvisational Theatre, will be holding try-outs this week in hopes of finding Middlebury’s future leaders of sarcastic party conversations.

Otters tryouts will be held TODAY (Tuesday) at 4:30PM and Thursday (2/26) at 5:30PM in the Forest East Lounge.

Middlebrow will be Wednesday (2/25) and Thursday (2/26) at 4:30PM in the Coltrane Lounge (in the Adirondack House, entrance is near Pearsons).

It is important to note that you need only go to one day for either group.  So you could do Otters Tuesday and Brow Thursday, par examplé.

Experience is never expected. Most of the current members had never done improv before either, and had to try-out a few times. No matter if its your first semester, last semester, or that sweet spot in the middle, both groups would love to have you come and play!

Email [email protected] or [email protected] with any questions.